Umm I'm too high to move.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
