even my farts smell like vagina
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i now understand why vodka
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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