Well apparently he's into motor boating.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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