Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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