i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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