He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
