New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
