my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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