Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Randomize
