I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
