Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
