haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize