Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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