I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
