i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
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...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
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I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
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