his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
