Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
