I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
