no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
