shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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