yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
