On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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