every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
