Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
