Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
True but thats because hes a fetus.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
