his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my sisters under your porch take her home
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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