Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
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No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
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No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I came so hard my ears popped.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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