UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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