My nipple is on Facebook.
I want to have your abortion
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
