Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
