Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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