So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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