If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
