Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
