How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
