quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
