dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
