Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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