Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
