guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
