I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
