she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
