First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
