Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
