Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
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high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
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the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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