dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
