I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
