I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
