Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
