so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
