He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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