oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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