Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You're like the curious george of whores
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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