I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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