hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
