is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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