Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
