And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize