he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
