i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
