I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
