I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she peed on how many people?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
