no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
