i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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