well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
