i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
