I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
