i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize