Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
