Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
