Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
and she was petting her beer can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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