paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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