Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize