i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
