Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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