I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
