Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
