hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
