i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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