I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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