I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
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A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
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We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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