So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
