The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
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Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
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And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
there is glitter all over my balls
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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