Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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