Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
