We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
