11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
