Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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