Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
