shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
