I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
