she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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