I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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