her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
