It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
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Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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